the effect it had on me

October 12 2009 by Kristin at The Kitchen Sink in Uncategorized » 25 comments

I’ve been putting this off. I’ve been seeking out distractions, studiously avoiding a little kitchen incident that stained my Saturday. Yesterday, for instance, I uploaded a bunch of photographs snapped during a morning spent in Evanston—trees practically aglow with their multi-colored leaves, gourds at the market. It was all fall, plus a stray bagel, but no signs of a kitchen mishap. Then, tonight, when I meant to say that enough was enough, to sit down here to write, I turned instead to the dishes, happy to give Kevin the night off. When the dishes were dried and replaced in the cupboards, I glanced sidelong at the computer and turned the other way. I started to pick up the rest of the apartment. Before I knew it, I had a roll of paper towels stowed snuggly beneath one arm, with an eye to the spots on the bathroom mirror.

When I had achieved a streak-free mirror, though, all that was left was my reflection. It was time to stop avoiding it: it was time to tell you about the tart. The brown butter apple tart, if you must know. But let’s just nip this in the bud: don’t let that recipe title seduce you. God knows, that was the effect it had on me.

It promised nuttiness and an edge of savory. It would boast a lovely fan of lightly caramelized apple slices. It called for a sweetened crust—a blessedly press-in affair, rather than the roll-out variety that deepens my wrinkles with every pie. I could practically smell the brown butter. I could just picture a scoop of vanilla ice cream riding side-saddle next to a thick wedge. It would be fall on the plate.

In short, it would be perfect.

But perfect it was not. The crust blind-baked a little misshapenly, which bothered me only a little. But then the recipe instruced me to par-cook the apples so much that the slices nearly fell apart as I tried, in vain, to artfully arrange them like the petals of a flower in bloom. And the brown butter, though it smelled just as amazing as I’d hoped it would, seemed so … well, so brown—especially against the browned crust and the browned apples.

All of this, of course, could have been forgotten, had the first bite been as transcendent as I’d imagined it. I was picturing a strong, come-from-behind finish for this little tart of mine. Instead, it limped across the finish line. Sure, it was a pretty round, the brown butter custard puffed up promisingly around the apples. But it lacked oomph and autumn in all the ways I’d pictured. It was serviceable, I suppose, but after 18 tablespoons of butter (10 of them browned, for heaven’s sake!), I expected more.

I’m sorry to tell you all this. Really, I am. Just as sorry as I was to slide a good portion of the tart into the trash can, where it landed with a sad thud, during the aforementioned procrastion-fueled cleaning binge. But I’ll have you know that there was an upshot to this dessert. We’ll get to that next time. For now, I’ve got to take out the garbage.

The recipe, if you dare, is here.

25 comments so far. »
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becky says on October 12 2009 at 8:44 pm:

awhh, sorry it didn’t turn out as great as you hoped! it looks amazing though. thanks for posting it even though you were disappointed!
Bekah says on October 12 2009 at 9:21 pm:

It’s mishaps like these that lead to great blog posts!

and yeah, you make the ugliest of kitchen adventures, well still beautiful.
Elizabeth says on October 12 2009 at 10:02 pm:

I am always devastated when things don’t work out in the kitchen and take it far more personally than I should. I just wrote on the same thing happening to me this weekend with garlic soup. The important thing is to pick yourself up and try again! One mishap doesn’t discredit your impeccable talent for cooking.
Whitney says on October 13 2009 at 6:37 am:

Not gonna lie, it gives me a little solace to see one of your “mistakes”. Sorry that your tart disappointed!
Amanda says on October 13 2009 at 6:43 am:

it is such a letdown when a seemingly beautiful recipe leaves you hanging. This had all the components of being fantastic, but in the end, it just sucked. The whole overcooking the apples confuses me. Why would they recommend you cooking them to almost mush? Yuck!
patty says on October 13 2009 at 8:01 am:

at least it looked pretty!
ingrid says on October 13 2009 at 8:32 am:

I hate that I really do! Sorry it didn’t measure up!
~ingrid
Half Assed Kitchen says on October 13 2009 at 10:09 am:

You true cook, you. You use those little pie balls, which separates the amateurs from the pros.
Tabitha (From Single to Married) says on October 13 2009 at 11:33 am:

Welcome to my world – that’s how most of my attempts at cooking end up, I’m afraid.
radish says on October 13 2009 at 4:21 pm:

oh goodness, i’m sorry this was a less-than-thrilling experience for you!! what a shame.. because brown butter just is the bees’ knees, i think. still your photos are stunning and at the very least, you have that to show for your pains!
Polly Rice says on October 13 2009 at 5:14 pm:

bummer about the outcome of the recipe! The upshot: what I deem one of your best-written posts I’ve read yet.
Culinary Cory says on October 13 2009 at 6:40 pm:

Great looking tart. I loved your pictures of the trees in Evanston. It’s one of the areas I miss about Chicago.
Jonnie says on October 13 2009 at 7:14 pm:

I love your blog. I think this is my first time to comment. I have never tried one of your recipes, it seems like you cook all the fancy things that I’m too scared to try. Sorry about your tart.
Eleana says on October 14 2009 at 10:44 am:

Aww … sorry it didn’t turn out well, though that is an obscene amount of butter … and wasted! Your disappointment conveyed in the writing is too cute!
Lu says on October 14 2009 at 1:13 pm:

It looks beautiful though. Sorry it wasn’t spectacular.
Barbara says on October 15 2009 at 8:30 am:

Sorry about that….it looks OK. Sometimes you can forgive it not looking perfect if it tastes good- but I guess this didn’t measure up that way either. I do hate it when I have to dump.
Agree that pressed in crusts are a delight!
Joshua says on October 15 2009 at 8:49 am:

I’ve had a coupleof disappointing recipes this fall already (roasted tomato soup, chili soup to name a couple) and completely understand your sadness. I couldn’t fix either recipe and had to trash them both. Thank you for sharing; as always, your post is enjoyable and photographs are beautiful. Take care…
Antonietta says on October 15 2009 at 8:58 am:

Well it looks pretty enough! Thanks for sharing your story, we’ve all been there!

I’m so excited to have found your site. The writing is great and the photos are amazing! Can’t wait to read through it all!
Cookin' Canuck says on October 15 2009 at 4:24 pm:

That’s always so disappointing when a recipe that sounds wonderful doesn’t meet your expectations. Hopefully you can tweak it a little and produce the sublime dessert you were hoping for.
Sues says on October 15 2009 at 6:36 pm:

Ohhh I think it looks delicious!! And it’s still pretty too
To Kiss the Cook says on October 16 2009 at 9:01 pm:

Stunning. Absolutely beautiful with the highly caramelized crown on top…bookmarked.
Kristin at The Kitchen Sink says on October 17 2009 at 6:38 am:

Thanks, everyone, for the condolences. : )

Half Assed Kitchen: You noticed my new pie weights! I like them because they’re cute and you don’t have to throw them out — but I didn’t realize they also made me a professional. Now I REALLY like them.
Christine says on October 19 2009 at 9:31 am:

A terrible waste of browned butter! Can you invoice Food and Wine for the damages?
Kristin at The Kitchen Sink says on October 21 2009 at 10:19 am:

Christine: I think I’ll call it even, because they’ve otherwise provided me with so much deliciousness. : )
Carter @ The Kitchenette says on October 25 2009 at 12:15 am:

meh, it happens! more often than not sometimes around here. It was still very beautiful and I still wanted to nom that tart… just saying.